Five ways to humanize James Bond

Reported by: James Eppler
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Updated: 11/12/2012 10:50 am

On Twitter: @JamesEppler

I've seen a lot of reviewers talking about how the filmmakers behind "Skyfall" have gone to great lengths to "humanize" the superhero we know as James Bond. Indeed, we've known this guy for 50 years and sometimes it feels like we don't know him that well at all.

Judging from the weekend gross at the box office for "Skyfall," we'll likely see many more 007 movies for years to come.

I think there are a few extra steps writers can take with making this character feel more human. Here are a few situations/scenes I'd like to see in upcoming Bond movies.

1. Interrupted on the toilet
Bond is always having to look over his shoulder. We've even seen him sleep with a gun under his pillow. One wonders if he also takes his Walther PPK to the bathroom in the morning - newspaper in one hand, gun in the other. I'd love to see bad guys break into Bond's flat while he's having his morning "routine," and he has to decide whether to do a quick cleanup, just get up and start shooting, or maybe just do battle from the throne. My guess is he'd go for the latter.

2. Allergies
Bond has to work stealthily on occasion and yet we've never seen him sniffle, sneeze or battle a runny nose while he's hiding and thus risk blowing his cover. And with all the globe trotting he does, I would think the constant climate changes would wreak havoc on the sinuses.

3. STD Test
Look - the guy gets around, alright? The most comprehensive study of the movies I've found reports that Bond has bedded 55 women in 18 countries in 23 movies. One estimate put that number at 84 women. Either way, you'd think he would have picked up something at some point - especially in the 70s. Condom use wasn't that big of a deal until the 80s, and even then, Bond doesn't seem to be the kinda guy to carry them in his wallet. And that brings me to my next idea:

4. Pay for something
To my recollection, we've perhaps never seen Bond use money other than to gamble or pay off a tipster. He orders drinks all the time, but never seems to pay for anything. I'd love to see 007 fishing in his wallet for some cash before getting frustrated and just saying, "Oh, just use the bloody plastic."

5. Stub his toe
Just one time I'd like to see him get out of bed with a woman, move to grab his pants on a nearby chair, and stub his pinky toe. We know Bond can take repeated punches - he's even been tortured a few times. But have you ever stubbed that little toe while walking at full stride? That really hurts.





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