Follow Eppler's entertainment reviews and updates on Twitter.It's a Sunday afternoon and my wife and I are in a screening of the new "Jane Eyre" film. The theater is about 60 percent full - respectable for such a small movie.
Sitting next to me is a man and his wife. He's sitting directly to my right, enjoying the Large Tub of popcorn. He's relishing it - obviously his compensation for taking the old missus to see a classic Gothic romance based on a stuffy novel.
Within the first 20 minutes of the movie, he's up out of his seat to go get his one free refill from the concession stand.
Good for him - getting his money's worth. Although it struck me he left at a particularly dramatic moment in the film. That's how I know he was there purely for the popcorn.
About 30 minutes later he has finished his second Large Tub.
Now comes the problem: those of us who eat popcorn regularly at the movies know there will always be some small stragglers at the bottom of the bucket/bag. They're not full pieces of popcorn - more like little bits. But they're mixed in the with un-popped kernels.
Me, I end it right there. Some people will dig for the leftover bits, which is fine.
Not this guy.
At a particularly intimate moment between Jane and Rochester, this guy proceeds to dump the remains from the bucket into his mouth. It makes a fairly noisy rattling sound as the kernels and bits slide down the cardboard and into his gaping hole.
You can hear him working the mess around in his mouth - sorting out the good bits with his teeth and tongue.
He then sets the bucket back on the ground next to his feet.
I wondered - is he eating the kernels? Swallowing them whole? What's his plan of action here?
I quickly found out.
The cretin brings a fist up to his mouth and starts spitting the kernels into his balled hand. It makes a discernible "pwoot... pwoot... pwoot" sound.
Now it would make perfect sense to dispose of these discarded kernels in the empty tub by his feet. After all, it's useless to him now. It will have to go in the trash because he has already cashed in on his free refill.
Nope. Instead, this guy merely opens his hand and lets the kernels clatter to the floor - each individual seed resonating in my ears.
"Well, at least it's over," I say to myself.
But to my horror, I see him bring that fist back up to his mouth and repeat the process all over again.
Once the freak show is done, I rest a little easier in my chair. I can now enjoy the movie in peace.
That's when I hear those recognizable sucking sounds of trying to get slivers of popcorn out from between your teeth.
I wanted to ask if he needed a toothbrush. Perhaps a dental hygienist?
Nah. What he needed most are manners.
What's the worst experience you've had with a fellow movie audience member?
